feminism and a happy marriage
There’s simply something wholesome about having a trusty, reliable sexual partner with whom I share a feisty physiological chemistry as well as a stimulating intellectual rapport. I’m certain that I am a better person and that I have a happier life coupled with my chosen mate than I would have alone or with a string of uncommitted partners. That is to say, even with all the trials and tribulations of a long-term, intimate relationship with another human being, I wouldn’t choose to live my life any other way. Marriage for me is a fulfilling, wholly worthwhile endeavor, much as I imagine having and raising children would be…
And what’s all this got to do with feminism? Well, for starters, there was that whole coverture thing, where women were essentially non-persons under the law by virtue of marriage. And although that whole mess is in the past and it seems long ago, it was only a generation ago that marital rape was recognized as a crime. These things and far too many others to mention demonstrate that marriage has historically functioned as a mechanism of female subordination, and that’s a pretty heinous stigma for an institution to carry. And then there’s the whole state-denial-of-homosexual-marriage can-of-worms. (Which, when I get into it becomes increasingly complex since my brand of feminism is one that is more gender-neutral/humanist, recognizing the humanity of people as people irrespective of their gender or sexuality.) Yet, although a thoughtful, free-thinking spirit such as myself might therefore be weary of the institution of marriage, I find myself happily married. How’s that?
My marriage brings contentedness, peace, and gratitude into my life even as it presents challenges. Largely, they are challenges that teach me virtues such as patience, empathy, and forgiveness, which I’m pleased to learn. It is because my marriage is whatever my husband and I make it – not what the state or the dominant culture says it ought to be – that we’ve been able to cultivate a verdant companionship.
After 5 years of marriage, I remain grateful for my married life, and confident that this relationship will travel far with me on my path through life. I anticipate growing our family, extending this bond we’ve created in the natural way, and I eagerly await the prospect of forging similarly loving, deep connections with my children – rife with their own socio-cultural complications as they may be.
So it goes that I can remain ardently feminist and hold nuanced views concerning marriage and companionship, even while willingly and happily participating in that conjugal institution that has plauged womankind for so many millenia.
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